Category: News and Views
QUOTE
Embattled NFL quarterback Michael Vick, facing federal charges related to his alleged participation in dogfighting, has been hit with a "$63,000,000,000
billion dollar" lawsuit filed by a South Carolina inmate who alleges the Atlanta Falcons star stole his pit bulls and sold them on eBay to buy "missiles
from Iran," FOX News has learned.
Jonathan Lee Riches filed the handwritten complaint over "theft and abuse of my animals" on July 23 in the U.S. District Court in Richmond, Va.
Riches alleges that Vick stole two white mixed pit bull dogs from his home in Holiday, Fla., and used them for dogfighting operations in Richmond, Va. The
complaint goes on to allege that Vick sold the dogs on eBay and “used the proceeds to purchase missiles from the Iran government.”
The complaint also alleges that Vick would need those missiles because he pledged allegiance to Al Qaeda in February of this year.
“Michael Vick has to stop physically hurting my feelings and dashing my hopes,” Riches writes in the complaint.
Riches wants $63 billion dollars “backed by gold and silver “ delivered to the front gates to the Williamsburg Federal Correctional facility in South Carolina.
Riches is an inmate at the facility serving out a wire fraud conviction.
OMG! people, look what this crazy guy is doing in the US. further to this, i mean.
We don't know much about Jonathan Lee Riches. According to a 2004 Houston Chronicle article, the current resident of the Federal Correctional Institution
Williamsburg in Salters, S.C., pleaded guilty to his involvement in an identity theft/credit card fraud ring.
But we do know this: The guy's a comic genius. Dude penned perhaps the most engrossing and amusing legal document ever. Faint praise?
[URL=http://www.citypaper.net/articles/2006-04-13/NC_FP_Lawsuit.pdf] download full PDF file[/URL]
On March 9, Riches filed a prisoner civil rights suit (2:06-cv-01055-LP) in Philadelphia's U.S. District Court complete with a 57-page defendant list crammed
with luminaries both living (President Bush, Grace Jones) and dead (George Orwell, Malcolm X), as well as nonentities like the Magna Carta,
www.accuweather.com
and Skittles candy (see list below). It's a magnificent, flowing piece of free-association blame-core.
A source at the court tells us that this sort of filing comes along every once in a while and that it's likely it will be thrown out long before it goes
to trial.
Which is a shame. We'd really like to see these people in town pleading their cases.
Selected defendants in the case of Riches v. Bush et al.
George W. Bush,
Hillary Rodham Clinton,
James Hoffa,
Matt Drudge,
www.google.com,
Pope Benedict XVI,
Kingdom of Saudi Arabia,
The Consulate of Nigeria,
John Deere,
www.accuweather.com,
Sirius Satellite Radio,
The Roman Empire,
The international Space Station,
Whoopi Goldberg,
CNN,
Adolf Hitler's National Socialist Party,
Roc-A-Fella Records,
Shawn Carter (doing business at Jay-Z),
Japan's Nikkei Stock Exchange,
Gambino (crime family),
Sugar Ray Leonard,
Three Mile Island,
Tony Danza,
KFC,
Islamic Republic of Iran,
Angela Merkel,
Vanna White,
University of Miami,
"World Trade Center Hijacker",
The Olsen Twins,
GEICO Insurance,
Jewish State of Israel,
Soledad O'Brien,
Tsunami victims,
The American Red Cross,
Jessica Alba,
Charles Moose,
al-Qaida Islamic Arm,
Fruit of A-Loom [sic],
Outback Steakhouse,
Donald J. Trump,
Chris Berman,
Shawn John Combs (doing business as Puff Daddy, doing business as Mr. Ditty [sic]),
Vincent K. McMahon,
Meals on Wheels,
Saddam Hussein,
Jewish workers at NBC/Universal,
Elizabeth Smart,
The Panama Canal Commission,
Kelly Clarkston [sic],
13 tribes of Israel,
Plato,
Lincoln Memorial,
Boris Becker,
Various Buddhist monks,
Christina Applegate,
Jewish Mossad,
National Vanguard Books,
Mein Kampf,
Venus Williams,
Medieval Times,
Denny's,
Brotherhood of the Snake,
Larry King,
Larry King Live 9 p.m.,
Rastafarian natives,
National Association for Stock Car Auto Racing,
Ulluminati [sic],
Wu-Tang Clan,
Wu Wear Inc.,
Nordic gods,
The Da Vinci Code,
Sears Tower,
Mike Tyson,
Native American Fish Society,
Green Bay's Lambeau Field,
Pizza Hut,
Ming Dynasty,
Barry Bonds,
Gangs in Hong Kong,
Grand Wizard of the Ku Klux Klan,
National Hockey League Players' Association,
Philadelphia Eagles (2005 roster, including Donovan McNabb),
Monica Lewinsky,
Hugo Chavez,
"The Uniform Commercial Code",
"The Queen of England",
Steven Spielberg
"Nuclear Power Plant",
The Eiffel Tower,
Charles Dickens,
The Leaning Tower of Pisa,
"Guerilla's in the Mist",
Fabio (!!!),
Bono,
Encyclopedia Britannica,
Nostradamus,
Ross Perot,
Niccolo Machiavelli,
Dosteyevsky,
The Magna Carta,
Mother Teresa,
Chandra Levy,
www.backstreetboys.com,
Kofi Annan,
Paul Revere,
Michelangelo,
"Aztec Pyramid",
The Talmud,
The Hoover Dam,
Louis XI,
The Holy Grail,
The Planet Pluto,
Don King,
Ho Chi Mihn City,
Russell Crowe,
"Jerry Louis Telathon",
Hannibal Lector,
British SAS,
Che Guevara,
Bob Saget,
Trojan Horse,
"Perkins" ,
"Taoist Creatures",
NATO,
The Koran (Also, "The Holy Quran"),
Chubby Checker,
Zeus (!!!),
Great Wall of China,
Miss Cleo,
Hu Jintao,
Emlio Estevez,
The Mennonite Church,
"Jeopardy Champion",
Skittles Candy,
Crown Prince Alios of Liechtenstein,
"Gay Pride Parade",
The Doobie Brothers,
The Colossus of Rhodes,
Chernobyl Nuclear Power Plant,
"Engine #9 Fire Department",
"Ninja Samurai Fighters",
"Area 69: Alien and UFO Research",
J.K. Rowling,
Osama bin Laden,
The Waffle House …
It just goes on like this. We're working around the clock to bring you the entire defendant list which you can read at
www.citypaper.net.